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Help & Hope
When You're Hurting?
My Dear Friend
Warm greetings to
you.
No doubt you are
reading this because, in some way, you have experienced loss. It is
my sincere prayer that this document will be of comfort to you and
that it will help you to process your loss.
Loss is something
that we all experience at different times and in different ways. I
know this all too well.
As the only child of
divorced parents, I suffered the sense of rejection and lost
security that come with living in an unsettled home. As a young
woman I experienced the pain of lost love. Then, some years later, I
had to accept the reality that my youngest daughter was mentally
challenged. Shortly after this my father died.
With every loss a
dark cloud seemed to settle over my mind and I started to feel that
I had no right to entertain hope or even to dream.
Today loss continues
to weave it's threads into the fabric of my life. At times I feel as
though I have been sucked into a deep, black pit. Sometimes my heart
has felt as though it were being ripped out and all too often that
characteristic combination of fear and numbness has enveloped my
senses.
With each painful
loss, however, I am learning that there is always a light at the end
of the tunnel - a bright light - and I emerge stronger and wiser,
knowing that all things pass away - even the painful things of life.
While loss will forever be a part of life, I have learnt that life
gives as it takes away - and that no matter how dark the clouds,
there is always sunshine after the rain.
Through it all I have
prayed - oh how I have prayed - and through it all I have heard, as
it were, a comforting voice . . .
"I have heard your
prayer,
I have seen your tears.
Surely I will heal you."
(Isaiah 38:5)
Coping With Loss
When dealing with
loss, no matter what type of loss, it is important to realize that
we will experience different stages of pain. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross,
in her book entitled "On Death and Dying," identifies five stages of
loss. Because each person's experience is unique, this is not a
standard pattern for pain, but it does provide a practical guideline
that will help you to process your loss.
The five stages that
Elisabeth defines are:
1. Denial and
isolation
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance
Regardless of how
your particular loss may be packaged - whether it is loss of
financial stability, loss of a partner, loss of happiness, loss of
self-worth, etcetera - the sooner you accept your situation, the
sooner your life will get back on track, and the sooner you will
find healing.
With this thought in
mind, let us spend a moment considering what you are likely to
experience as you struggle to accept your particular loss.
The Five Stages
(1) Denial and
Isolation. At first we cannot accept what is happening to us. We may
realize that finances are limited and that debt is increasing, but
we keep spending. We may see that our marriage isn't what it once
was, but we will keep overlooking the real issues, and we won't seek
help. We may retreat into ourselves, pretend, and refuse to face the
problem - and sometimes we might even try and deny that there is a
problem.
(2) Anger. Next we
will try and apportion the blame on something or someone and we will
move through every day being on edge - snapping or yelling at who or
whatever gets in our way. Through what is known as "misplacement,"
we will substitute anger for the true cause of our emotions, that
being sorrow and/or grief.
(3) Bargaining: Then,
wherever applicable, we might find ourselves trying to fix our
dilemma through bargaining - if you do this, I will do that.
(4) Depression: Next,
as the realization of our loss settles in, and we realize that we
can do nothing to get back what we have lost, depression often
follows.
(5) Acceptance:
Depression, however, is only the sadness before the quiet of
acceptance. And now, having finally accepted our loss, we can pick
ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and direct our energies into a new
tomorrow. Now, having processed the pain and accepted our situation,
we can adjust to our new environment and we can pray meaningfully
for healing and we can finally find comfort in our hurt. Now, as we
embrace reality, we can discover that despite our loss - all is
not lost.
Sure, the pain will
linger for a while, but it will pass, and hope and courage will
slowly fill the void that our loss has left in our heart. Life is
just like that.
Finding Hope In Our
Loss
It is true that good
things happen to bad people and that bad things happen to good
people. Nowhere does God promise us a life that is problem free, but
He does promise to be with us in our pain. He knows what we are
going through, for there's no pain that Jesus Himself did not
experience whilst here on earth. Rest assured, therefore, that you
can lean on Him today; you can tell Him your pain; you may share
your tears with him - for He weeps with you.
"God is the Father
who is full of mercy and all comfort. He comforts us every time we
are in trouble, so when others have trouble, we can comfort them
with the same comfort God gives us." (2 Corinthians 1:3-5)
No matter what your
situation, therefore, you may draw comfort from the fact that . . .
"The Lord your God is
with you;
The mighty One will save you.
He will rejoice over you.
You will rest in His love.
He will sing and be joyful
about you." Zephaniah 3:17
Through many years of
struggle and loss I have learnt that the love of God surpasses
anything and everything we have ever known, and that in Him there is
always hope and healing.
Please hear the words
of your kind heavenly Father as He speaks to you today . . .
" I have good plans
for you,
not plans to hurt you.
I will give you hope
and a good future.
Then you will call My name.
You will come to me and pray to Me,
and I will listen to you.
You will search for Me.
And when you search for me with
all your heart, you will find Me!"
(Jeremiah 29:11-13)
Here Is A Prayer That
You Can Pray Right Now
"Thank you for loving
me, Heavenly Father, and for walking through this pain with me. When
it is dark and I cannot feel Your presence, please remind me that
You will never leave me, nor will you forsake me. Please give me the
courage to trust You at all times. Hold me and comfort me. Let me
see more of Your loveliness and help me to love You as never before.
And please, dear Father, ease my pain."
Whatever your hurt or
loss, you will now be able to better relate to the hurts of others.
Please send them this article.
Take care and God
bless you
Your friend
Emra Wagener
for Friends Who Care &
Relevant Life Solutions
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