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Marriage Matters
Being A Great Mom
The king upon his throne has no higher work than has the mother. The mother is queen of her household. She has in her power the molding of her children's characters, that they may be fitted for the higher, immortal life. An angel could not ask for a higher mission; for in doing this work she is doing service for God. Let her only realize the high character of her task, and it will inspire her with courage. Let her realize the worth of her work, and put on the whole armor of God, that she may resist the temptation to conform to the world's standard. Her work is for time and for eternity.
Among the first tasks of the mother is the restraining of passion in her little ones. Children should not be allowed to manifest anger; they should not be permitted to throw themselves upon the floor, striking and crying because something has been denied them which was not for their best good. I have been distressed as I have seen how many parents indulge their children in the display of angry passions. Mothers seem to look upon these outbursts of anger as something that must be endured, and appear indifferent to the child's behavior. But if an evil is permitted once, it will be repeated, and its repetition will result in habit, and so the child's character will receive an evil mould. I have heard persons argue that their children were too young to be corrected. They said, "When the children are older, they will be ashamed of their manifestations of temper, and will overcome the habit of displaying anger."
The little ones, before they are a year old, hear and understand what is spoken in reference to themselves, and know to what extent they are to be indulged. Mothers, you should train your children to yield to your wishes. This point must be gained if you would hold the control over your children, and preserve your dignity as a mother. Your children quickly learn just what you expect of them, they know when their will conquers yours, and will make the most of their victory.
The mother's influence is an unceasing influence; and if it is always on the side of right, her children's characters will testify to her moral earnestness and worth. Her smile, her encouragement, may be an inspiring force. She may bring sunshine to the heart of her child by a word of love, a smile of approval.
The power of a mother's prayers cannot be too highly estimated. She who kneels beside her son and daughter through the vicissitudes of childhood, through the perils of youth, will never know till the judgment the influence of her prayers upon the life of her children. If she is connected by faith with the Son of God, the mother's tender hand may hold back her son from the power of temptation, may restrain her daughter from indulging in sin. When passion is warring for the mastery, the power of love, the restraining, earnest, determined influence of the mother, may balance the soul on the side of right.
The work of the mother is fraught with tremendous responsibility; but when her influence is for truth, for virtue, when she is guided by divine wisdom, what a power for Christ will be her life! Her influence will reach on through time into eternity. What a thought is this, - that the mother's looks and words and actions bear fruit in eternity, and the salvation or ruin of many will be the result of her influence.
To fashion the character after a heavenly mould is no ignoble work. Is it a little matter to develop, train, and educate the powers of your children in such a way that they shall bring glory to God? Is it a little thing to teach a child how to restrain his passions, how to cultivate his noble powers, how to use God's wondrous gifts of intellect and affection? The parents receive the child a helpless burden in their arms; he knows nothing, and he is to be taught to love God, is to be brought up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. He is to be fashioned after the divine model.
When parents see the importance of their work in training their children, when they see that it involves eternal interests, they will feel that they must devote their best time and thought to this work. Amid all the activities of life, the mother's most sacred duty is to her children. But how often is this duty put aside that some selfish gratification may be followed. Parents are entrusted with the present and eternal interests of their children. They are to hold the reins of government, and guide their households to the honor of God. God's law should be their standard, and love should rule in all things.
Part 2
We hear much of the education of women, and it is a subject that is deserving of careful attention. The highest education for woman is to be found in the thorough and equal cultivation of all her talents and powers. The heart, the mind, the spirit, as well as the physical being, should be properly developed. There are many who are uncultured in mind and manners. Many are full of affectation, and the aim of their life seems to be to make a display. When we see this state of affairs, we cannot help breathing a prayer that God will bless the world with women who are developed as they should be in mind and character, women who have a true realization of their God-given responsibility.
How essential to a mother is the knowledge of the love of God. She who has children to train cannot do it successfully without the fear of God before her eyes; for in the training of her little ones she must have in view their eternal interests and the interests of society. The education of children for practical life receives far too little attention. Our girls who are blossoming into womanhood are not thoroughly educated when they simply have a knowledge of books. Mothers who hold a place in fashionable society crave for their daughters only superficial accomplishments. They desire to see them making a pleasing appearance, and when this is accomplished, they feel that their responsibility is over. But the superficial accomplishments of society will not take the place of solid acquirements, in useful branches of knowledge, and it is often found that those best versed in the ways of society are least educated. Music, painting, embroidery, are too often regarded as the most essential part of education, but these accomplishments are not sufficient either to develop the mind or to prepare one for the practical duties of life. Education should be a strengthening process, preparing its recipient for a higher, nobler life. Its object should be to fit the soul for usefulness in this life; the thought of display should be no part of the motive in obtaining an education. Mothers are committing a great mistake in confining the minds of their children to the attainment of superficial accomplishments; for the mind thus trained narrows down to the standard set before it, and instead of growing in efficiency because obstacles are met and overcome, the children manifest weakness of mind and instability of purpose.
No one who is not growing daily in capability and helpfulness is fulfilling the purpose of life. And mothers who are training their daughters for display should consider their work in the light of this thought. Let them read the instruction of the apostle. He says: "Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price."
It is the heart that needs culture; for it is with the heart-life that women have to do. The mother should call into exercise all the purer, nobler emotions which are to be wrought into principles. The precious finer feelings are to be carefully nourished that they may bloom into actions of goodness, truth, and holiness. How carefully and prayerfully should the soil of the heart be cultivated and enriched. Precious seed should be sown, both by precept and example.
The words that are spoken by a mother should be choice words. The looks, the dress, and every act, should be of such a character that its reproduction in the daughter may not in any way deface her character.
If the character of the mother is pervaded with benevolence and love, the character of the children will also be pervaded, to a greater or less degree, with these noble feelings.
Unselfishness, patience, gentleness, kindness, forbearance, must all be cultivated by the mother; she is a learner as well as a teacher. These precious traits must be well cultivated, for they will be found essential in the home-life of the mother.
The best impulses must be encouraged, the noblest affections cherished. If the mother's heart is filled with holy love, her life and character will be a savor of life unto life to her children and friends, and will bring forth abiding fruit. She will be enabled to mould the developing minds of her children so that they may be useful in this life, and be fitted for the future, immortal life.
The same Heavenly Father who gave to woman hands to labor and a heart to love, gave her talents to be improved that she might become a home missionary. The extent to which the mind can be cultivated is little understood, but the greatest and most essential education is that which results in the formation of a true character. Children should be educated so that they will answer the purpose of God. The education essential for the performance of life's practical duties is the noblest education your children could have. In this education the judgment must be matured before the taste, principle must be cultivated before fancy and inclination.
After true principles are established, and the character is given balance, the taste may be indulged, and the fancy may be disciplined. The mind that is filled with wisdom, and established in principle, will be symmetrical, and will have the inward adorning that is of great price in the sight of God. The spirit, too, must have its proper discipline; and nothing so enlarges the soul, ennobles the mind, and enlightens the intellect, as the religion of Christ. Religion will give to him who is in pursuit of knowledge a holy purpose and a definite aim. He who is enlightened by the spirit of God will feel that he is a steward of the grace of God, endowed with gifts for whose improvement he is responsible.
Mothers, keep before your daughters the value of a true education, and the worthlessness of that education that is simply acquired for display. Constantly seek to elevate the mind of your daughters, for the influence of woman in the missionary work, in the field of reform, is of vast importance. She can be a power for Christ in the world. When Christ is enthroned in the heart, his grace will appear in the life. The deportment, the good works, the tender spirit, will all proclaim their possessor a child of God. What might not women do if they would open their minds and hearts to receive the light of heaven from the Source of all truth? - and then they would live up to their God-given responsibility and privilege.
Part 3
God has given to the father and mother a sacred trust, and he requires them to rule in his love and fear. Many abuse their trust, and become despots, controlling by severity and oppression. All such will see their actions reproduced in their children, and in their old age will probably reap a harvest in despotism from their misgoverned children.
The training of children puts the parents as well as the children to school. The dependent children look to father and mother to have their wants supplied, and in this is a lesson to the parents of their own dependence upon their heavenly Father. The children look to the parents for precept and example, and for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, and the parent sees himself as dependent upon God for wisdom and knowledge. The father and mother find that they have to acquire habits of self-control in order to teach the same to their children. Parents may find cause for humiliation in the manifestation of perversity in their children; for their own evil nature is reflected, and their own defects of character reproduced. Oh, what need there is that parents flee to God in order to obtain his grace and power to train their children in the way of the Lord!
Parents should ever remember that the salvation of their children is placed in their hands. They should teach their children from infancy the true aim of life. There are unnumbered dangers around the youth in this degenerate age, and parents should study how they may teach their children to avoid the perils in society and in private life. The mother should teach her children how to gain eternal life; and in training them in obedience with reference to immortal life, she will be securing for them the best happiness for this life, besides developing in them the most manly and womanly characters. Connection with Heaven will ever lead to purity, to elevation of character, to the acquirement of Christian courtesy.
The mother may be compared to a sculptor working for eternity, and she need not look upon her task as drudgery. It is her life-work, and if that work is well done, God will look with approval upon the humble worker. Angels, who have ministered to her through her days of trial and temptation, will say, "Well done." Her husband, her children, may not have appreciated her hard conflicts with herself, her daily vexations, and may not have known how near she came to despair; but Heaven appreciated all, and her reward will be great when she kneels before the throne and says, "Here am I, and the children whom Thou hast given me."
Extracts From
The Book, Child Guidance
By Ellen Gould White
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`When the judgment shall sit, and the books shall be opened; when the "well done" of the great Judge is pronounced, and the crown of immortal glory is placed upon the brow of the victor, many will raise their crowns in sight of the assembled universe and, pointing to their mother, say, "She made me all I am through the grace of God. Her instruction, her prayers, have been blessed to my eternal salvation." MYP 330 (1881)
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`A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all." Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. (Proverbs 31:10-31 NIV)
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